We are still working on the bead-board in the master bathroom, with little to update, so I thought I would share an Autism story.
Remember the meltdown of the century, which spurred the blog restart, and realization that I needed to finish a few dozen projects before starting new ones. By the way, the accountability of blogging has really helped, so a big "Thank you" to the poor souls following along on my journey through these crazy posts.
Back to the story - Some of that exhaustion I tend to forget about, comes from trying to stay mentally ahead of what could possibly cause drama or upset in a home with an Autistic person. It is a daunting task to plan every move and minute of your day, thinking ahead as to how it will effect someone you love. Picture the family reunion or holiday with those relatives that scrutinize your every move, and you feel like you are walking on eggshells the entire time. Exhausting just thinking about it, right?
The project - maybe you noticed, we have the towel hooks up, long before we have finished the wall or project? That is because, I quickly painted the top board so it would dry and Tony could hang them. This I did, while he was still enjoying the rest of the Sunday afternoon siesta, because I know the potential for drama if Saralain gets a bath, and does not find her towel hanging ready for her in the usual spot. Any little change in routine can have disastrous outcome for a person with severe OCD. Notice I said, "gets a bath" and not "takes a bath"? That is because, even at 18 she requires a substantial amount of help. She doesn't understand how to regulate the temperature of the water, wash all her wobbly bits without prompting or safely enter and exit the tub. Heaven forbid you ask her to wash her own hair! Again, I forget to give myself credit or cut myself slack for the fact that I still have to do these things long after most parents would be forbidden to even enter the bathroom when their child is bathing or showering.
We are constantly trying to walk a fine line between avoiding unnecessary upset and creating some uncomfortable situations just to keep her in balance and not allow her to become so rigid in her routine, that we can not flex from it at all. She could easily become so hyper focused on routine that anything out of the ordinary would be dreadful. If you knew what happens, in our car, when you have to make a U turn, you would totally get me! For someone without a licence, our child is one heck of a backseat driver!
For example, if we discover a new restaurant we would like to try, it takes about 5 to 10 trips there, before Sara doesn't scream when we pull into the parking lot. Familiarity is our friend. She has to feel very confident that she will like the food (by this I mean french fries), there won't be screaming children, or loud music. And, if she has a bad experience, we right that one off as a family option.
We both enjoy eating at Sassool, a local Mediterranean restaurant. They do not serve fries, so we have to take our own. Luckily there is a Wendy's in the parking lot, and yes, we have done that in more places than you can imagine! We have always been fortunate in picking places that were accommodating. Sassool is one of those, however, we haven't found a time that they are slow and not busy and bustling with people. So that is a "date lunch" only kind of restaurant. One of our favorite haunts is Fiesta mexico. They are always accommodating, serve french fries that meet with Sara's approval, and after many many tries, she has finally started eating their tacos! It is the only restaurant where she will eat anything other than french fries, and that makes for two very happy parents.
Some autism incite for those who may not be aware - Crowds, noise and bright lights can all be incredibly offensive to a person on the spectrum with heightened senses. Impossible for some. Some businesses are very understanding and will turn down the music if you request it, but there isn't much you an do about people talking, babies crying or squealing misbehaving children. All of those have the of potential to ruin our chances for a pleasant meal or a chance to return.
Moral of my story and soapbox time - when you see that mom trying to handle a child, who may look like they are simply throwing a bad temper tantrum. Please understand that she could use some support and encouragement, and not judgement and scorn. She may not have learned all of her child's triggers or may not have the option to do this task without carting them along. She may not know that she can ask someone to turn down the music or that the faint sound, she can barely hear, and bright lights are assaulting her child's senses like standing in the middle of a marching band. It takes a lot of time and empathy to embrace the symptoms and resulting behavior of a person on the spectrum.
Thursday, October 31, 2019
Monday, October 28, 2019
A very imperfect girl in a perfect word.
If you've come to my blog to see beautiful pictures of a perfect home and family traveling, or cutesy videos rivaling a Target commercial? You've come to the wrong blog! You see, I was motivated to restart my blogging by a total meltdown last week. Yep, I said it, confession time - I had a ultra massive meltdown, like a toddler in a grocery store who wanted a box of sugar and food coloring laden, cancer causing, cereal crunchies!
Let me explain. When I said I tend to start projects and have trouble taking them to the finish line, it's not because I have ADD, at least I don't think I do. It's because I've been searching for a creative outlet, but mostly a win. I really need a win! Nineteen years ago I quit my job to have a child, and I absolutely love being a mom and homemaker. Saralain was the answer to fourteen years of prayers. In fact, I wanted a daughter for as long as I can remember. I'm not sure if this is what is going on, but, I believe with her turning 18 nature is kicking in. A parent of a neuro-typical child would have had time for projects while their kids were in school or out with friends, however we have not had such luxuries. Tony and I do it all. We have a fantastic aide and some great therapists who work with Sara a few hours a week but we have been physically and mentally on "Toddler patrol" 24 hours a day for the past 18 years.
Something that happened yesterday, which was Sunday, helped me see what might be going on here. Tony and I were working on the bathroom remodel. We have to make Saralain play in her room while we work so that she is safe and close enough for us to hear her. Her room is secure, and as an added precaution we have a gate at the top of our stairs that she would struggle to open and we would likely hear her if she breached it. Anyway, we had been up early and working most of the day so stopped to lay down on the bed to play with Starla for a minute. By the way, who came up with the saying "working like a dog?" Because our dog is usually lying comfortably on the furniture watching us do the work!
Next thing I knew, we had dozed off. Only briefly , but when we were talking after our wonderful little siesta, we realized that in almost 18 years we had not had the luxury of napping together on a weekend afternoon. I said, "This must be what it's like to have typical children, I wonder if their parents realize how lucky they are?" I don't want to sound like I'm putting blame on Saralain or looking for excuses, but I sometimes forget how much I have been doing for 18 years. Most moms send their kids to school at 5 and have free time during the day. Most kids, after the toddler years, don't need constant supervision to keep them from doing something life threatening 24 hours a day. I really need to stop placing more demands on myself than have already been assigned.
That being said, this is the inspiration board for our Master Bathroom, one of the many projects I have flying around in my brain. Now I understand what Tony means by his characters are always talking in his head. He's a writer, not a serial killer...let me clarify that. There is something about making a visual board for planning that has brought it together for me. I have such fears of making mistakes and not liking the final product that it handicaps me. If I can see it like this with all the elements laid out and like it, that eases the doubt somehow.
The added satisfaction comes from learning to create the Mood board itself. I have been out of the work scene for a LONG time and my computer skills are a little behind. I was about to start gluing magazine clippings to a scrapbook, but decided to take classes on Skillshare instead. I'm sure Susanne Sugarbaker would have loved Pic Collage, I know I do! Next will be photography. Ooops, here I go - loading up the projects.
Wow, pictures really do show the stuff our eyes overlook - we are very messy home re-modelers!
I would love to say this is the finished project. However...
You can see, we have a little ways to go. We have one more vertical board on that wall, then we'll move to the opposite side. Now for some of the funny stories. Well, they are funny now, but not so much a few weeks and $$$ ago! First we put up a Narrow bead-board (four board per panel), then I decided I didn't like it (it was too busy). So we tore it out, and used the wider bead. (two boards per panel). Then we ran out! Two trips to Home depot, and on-line search lead to...they no longer produce or sell the wide boards! Insert exasperated Charlie Brown scream!
The drama doesn't end there folks! We had to order the bead-board because they don't carry it in our stores. Wait two weeks for it to come in...here is where it gets funny now, it wasn't then! Remember that child we have with autism? We can't take her in many stores. 1) Because we don't have Bill Gates bank account. 2) If we don't let fill the cart with crazy things she will never need, deconstruct and throw away, she will scream like a banshee! So we always pair out trips to Home Depot with a stop at Smithfield's Bbq for her favorite fries.
Yep, bribery is a useful tool to special needs parents.
On to Home Depot we go. I'll go in and get it, Laurie says! Yikes...I had to drag the fifty foot long box weighing at least 800 lbs to the car. (thank you nice man from the Quay who offered to help, next time I'll take you up on it right away). So I try to lift the box and slide it into the van which quickly went awry! The "nice man from the Quay" heard me tell Tony I needed help and quickly came to assist. That's when the screaming started. You know, the banshee kind! I ran to the side of van to make sure Saralain was okay, afraid maybe we clipped her with the 800 lb box. Well, there was a causality, it was her Smithfield's cup! It had been decapitated by the 800 lb box and the hell fury that followed was daunting! I still here the fateful words coming out of my mouth. "Don't go all the way back there," I said as Tony turned toward Smithfields once again. "Let's just go to Chick-fil-A."
Have you ever smacked your thumb with a hammer? That would be way less painful then the ride to Chick-fil-A and home! NO, I am not exaggerating in the slightest! I actually contemplated jumping from the moving car several times. I'm certain Tony wanted to throw me from the moving car just as many times for not letting him simply drive back to Smithfields. God bless the sweet young girl outside taking our order for yet another french fry and pink milk (that would be sprite to anyone else). Even after the new drink was procured, Saralain screamed "WHITE CUP" until I pieced the broken cup together and filled it as far as I was able with the "pink milk" from CFA.
Skip ahead to the new bead board...So we have now torn down the bead-board and replaced it twice! And the new Bead-board is now a different pattern. Hello board removal number three! And did I mention it was $25 dollars for the tool to remove the nails from the boards...that we can't use anyway!
Sunday when we finally started back on this project, it decided to pour down rain. I was not going to be defeated!
This very determined woman told this ^ handsome handy man to set up shop on my rolling island. Yes! I let him set up shop right in my kitchen! That had just been cleaned. I was that desperate! But I think I will wait for better weather to finish the job... Today I painted...it was sunny and beautiful. Universe...don't fight me! I'm going to see the projects through!
Let me explain. When I said I tend to start projects and have trouble taking them to the finish line, it's not because I have ADD, at least I don't think I do. It's because I've been searching for a creative outlet, but mostly a win. I really need a win! Nineteen years ago I quit my job to have a child, and I absolutely love being a mom and homemaker. Saralain was the answer to fourteen years of prayers. In fact, I wanted a daughter for as long as I can remember. I'm not sure if this is what is going on, but, I believe with her turning 18 nature is kicking in. A parent of a neuro-typical child would have had time for projects while their kids were in school or out with friends, however we have not had such luxuries. Tony and I do it all. We have a fantastic aide and some great therapists who work with Sara a few hours a week but we have been physically and mentally on "Toddler patrol" 24 hours a day for the past 18 years.
Something that happened yesterday, which was Sunday, helped me see what might be going on here. Tony and I were working on the bathroom remodel. We have to make Saralain play in her room while we work so that she is safe and close enough for us to hear her. Her room is secure, and as an added precaution we have a gate at the top of our stairs that she would struggle to open and we would likely hear her if she breached it. Anyway, we had been up early and working most of the day so stopped to lay down on the bed to play with Starla for a minute. By the way, who came up with the saying "working like a dog?" Because our dog is usually lying comfortably on the furniture watching us do the work!
Next thing I knew, we had dozed off. Only briefly , but when we were talking after our wonderful little siesta, we realized that in almost 18 years we had not had the luxury of napping together on a weekend afternoon. I said, "This must be what it's like to have typical children, I wonder if their parents realize how lucky they are?" I don't want to sound like I'm putting blame on Saralain or looking for excuses, but I sometimes forget how much I have been doing for 18 years. Most moms send their kids to school at 5 and have free time during the day. Most kids, after the toddler years, don't need constant supervision to keep them from doing something life threatening 24 hours a day. I really need to stop placing more demands on myself than have already been assigned.
That being said, this is the inspiration board for our Master Bathroom, one of the many projects I have flying around in my brain. Now I understand what Tony means by his characters are always talking in his head. He's a writer, not a serial killer...let me clarify that. There is something about making a visual board for planning that has brought it together for me. I have such fears of making mistakes and not liking the final product that it handicaps me. If I can see it like this with all the elements laid out and like it, that eases the doubt somehow.
The added satisfaction comes from learning to create the Mood board itself. I have been out of the work scene for a LONG time and my computer skills are a little behind. I was about to start gluing magazine clippings to a scrapbook, but decided to take classes on Skillshare instead. I'm sure Susanne Sugarbaker would have loved Pic Collage, I know I do! Next will be photography. Ooops, here I go - loading up the projects.
Wow, pictures really do show the stuff our eyes overlook - we are very messy home re-modelers!
I would love to say this is the finished project. However...
You can see, we have a little ways to go. We have one more vertical board on that wall, then we'll move to the opposite side. Now for some of the funny stories. Well, they are funny now, but not so much a few weeks and $$$ ago! First we put up a Narrow bead-board (four board per panel), then I decided I didn't like it (it was too busy). So we tore it out, and used the wider bead. (two boards per panel). Then we ran out! Two trips to Home depot, and on-line search lead to...they no longer produce or sell the wide boards! Insert exasperated Charlie Brown scream!
The drama doesn't end there folks! We had to order the bead-board because they don't carry it in our stores. Wait two weeks for it to come in...here is where it gets funny now, it wasn't then! Remember that child we have with autism? We can't take her in many stores. 1) Because we don't have Bill Gates bank account. 2) If we don't let fill the cart with crazy things she will never need, deconstruct and throw away, she will scream like a banshee! So we always pair out trips to Home Depot with a stop at Smithfield's Bbq for her favorite fries.
Yep, bribery is a useful tool to special needs parents.
On to Home Depot we go. I'll go in and get it, Laurie says! Yikes...I had to drag the fifty foot long box weighing at least 800 lbs to the car. (thank you nice man from the Quay who offered to help, next time I'll take you up on it right away). So I try to lift the box and slide it into the van which quickly went awry! The "nice man from the Quay" heard me tell Tony I needed help and quickly came to assist. That's when the screaming started. You know, the banshee kind! I ran to the side of van to make sure Saralain was okay, afraid maybe we clipped her with the 800 lb box. Well, there was a causality, it was her Smithfield's cup! It had been decapitated by the 800 lb box and the hell fury that followed was daunting! I still here the fateful words coming out of my mouth. "Don't go all the way back there," I said as Tony turned toward Smithfields once again. "Let's just go to Chick-fil-A."
Have you ever smacked your thumb with a hammer? That would be way less painful then the ride to Chick-fil-A and home! NO, I am not exaggerating in the slightest! I actually contemplated jumping from the moving car several times. I'm certain Tony wanted to throw me from the moving car just as many times for not letting him simply drive back to Smithfields. God bless the sweet young girl outside taking our order for yet another french fry and pink milk (that would be sprite to anyone else). Even after the new drink was procured, Saralain screamed "WHITE CUP" until I pieced the broken cup together and filled it as far as I was able with the "pink milk" from CFA.
Skip ahead to the new bead board...So we have now torn down the bead-board and replaced it twice! And the new Bead-board is now a different pattern. Hello board removal number three! And did I mention it was $25 dollars for the tool to remove the nails from the boards...that we can't use anyway!
Sunday when we finally started back on this project, it decided to pour down rain. I was not going to be defeated!
This very determined woman told this ^ handsome handy man to set up shop on my rolling island. Yes! I let him set up shop right in my kitchen! That had just been cleaned. I was that desperate! But I think I will wait for better weather to finish the job... Today I painted...it was sunny and beautiful. Universe...don't fight me! I'm going to see the projects through!
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