We are still working on the bead-board in the master bathroom, with little to update, so I thought I would share an Autism story.
Remember the meltdown of the century, which spurred the blog restart, and realization that I needed to finish a few dozen projects before starting new ones. By the way, the accountability of blogging has really helped, so a big "Thank you" to the poor souls following along on my journey through these crazy posts.
Back to the story - Some of that exhaustion I tend to forget about, comes from trying to stay mentally ahead of what could possibly cause drama or upset in a home with an Autistic person. It is a daunting task to plan every move and minute of your day, thinking ahead as to how it will effect someone you love. Picture the family reunion or holiday with those relatives that scrutinize your every move, and you feel like you are walking on eggshells the entire time. Exhausting just thinking about it, right?
The project - maybe you noticed, we have the towel hooks up, long before we have finished the wall or project? That is because, I quickly painted the top board so it would dry and Tony could hang them. This I did, while he was still enjoying the rest of the Sunday afternoon siesta, because I know the potential for drama if Saralain gets a bath, and does not find her towel hanging ready for her in the usual spot. Any little change in routine can have disastrous outcome for a person with severe OCD. Notice I said, "gets a bath" and not "takes a bath"? That is because, even at 18 she requires a substantial amount of help. She doesn't understand how to regulate the temperature of the water, wash all her wobbly bits without prompting or safely enter and exit the tub. Heaven forbid you ask her to wash her own hair! Again, I forget to give myself credit or cut myself slack for the fact that I still have to do these things long after most parents would be forbidden to even enter the bathroom when their child is bathing or showering.
We are constantly trying to walk a fine line between avoiding unnecessary upset and creating some uncomfortable situations just to keep her in balance and not allow her to become so rigid in her routine, that we can not flex from it at all. She could easily become so hyper focused on routine that anything out of the ordinary would be dreadful. If you knew what happens, in our car, when you have to make a U turn, you would totally get me! For someone without a licence, our child is one heck of a backseat driver!
For example, if we discover a new restaurant we would like to try, it takes about 5 to 10 trips there, before Sara doesn't scream when we pull into the parking lot. Familiarity is our friend. She has to feel very confident that she will like the food (by this I mean french fries), there won't be screaming children, or loud music. And, if she has a bad experience, we right that one off as a family option.
We both enjoy eating at Sassool, a local Mediterranean restaurant. They do not serve fries, so we have to take our own. Luckily there is a Wendy's in the parking lot, and yes, we have done that in more places than you can imagine! We have always been fortunate in picking places that were accommodating. Sassool is one of those, however, we haven't found a time that they are slow and not busy and bustling with people. So that is a "date lunch" only kind of restaurant. One of our favorite haunts is Fiesta mexico. They are always accommodating, serve french fries that meet with Sara's approval, and after many many tries, she has finally started eating their tacos! It is the only restaurant where she will eat anything other than french fries, and that makes for two very happy parents.
Some autism incite for those who may not be aware - Crowds, noise and bright lights can all be incredibly offensive to a person on the spectrum with heightened senses. Impossible for some. Some businesses are very understanding and will turn down the music if you request it, but there isn't much you an do about people talking, babies crying or squealing misbehaving children. All of those have the of potential to ruin our chances for a pleasant meal or a chance to return.
Moral of my story and soapbox time - when you see that mom trying to handle a child, who may look like they are simply throwing a bad temper tantrum. Please understand that she could use some support and encouragement, and not judgement and scorn. She may not have learned all of her child's triggers or may not have the option to do this task without carting them along. She may not know that she can ask someone to turn down the music or that the faint sound, she can barely hear, and bright lights are assaulting her child's senses like standing in the middle of a marching band. It takes a lot of time and empathy to embrace the symptoms and resulting behavior of a person on the spectrum.
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